I've been building walls around me for the last few months since my partner died. It has seemed easier for me to protect myself with barriers for I have the fear of feeling continued hurt and more pain. I see now that there is a cycle beginning that I have started with ones that have been close to me in my past or whom I have started to develop this new relationship with. If I feel threatened I lash out or push away by acting out in away to push the said person away.
The abandonment that I faced once Rob pasted was so unexpected and came with such fierce agony that a anger has stirred inside of me out of the pain that I endured. I have a difficult time expressing the way this tugs at my inner spirit of me and holds a fear inside of me that I have never imagined I would ever feel in my life time.
When faced with this it so far has left a part of me that guards m ever so tightly from wanting to embrace the love of another again, it doesn't take much anymore it seems for another to step away. What you give isn't always given, in return that isn't what is, what you seem and who you are from time to time disappear and all these things are knew to me which instills more fear inside my lost lonely soul winding down a fear of doubt from what my loved one left behind the night he committed suicide.
AFFIRMATION: It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you.
