I can't seem to find the gray area in my life. It's either one extreme or the other and I'm finding it very difficult now to maintain even one or the other for long periods of time. There is an unbalance that is surrounding me that hasn't hovered here in sometime, almost a battle that I feel I'm having not only with in myself but with others also.
There's a sense of the unknown & losing myself in this, fear based I guess is what I would call it. So much has changed. Has this affected my life more than it should have? How is one to know? It's so tragic & it's the way he died that eats at me and it's the things I've accomplished with in my reovery that I stuggle with. For it's a powerful thing I can't always explain in words, yet I experince the feelings inside my soul & tugging at my heart at all hours of the day. To sum it up I feel like I traded sobriety for suicide.
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