When I look back I know I'm humble and more emphatic due to the nature of the events that have played out in my life. I feel that thru tragedy and recovery I have developed a different perception on how I view things in a more compassionate and considerate way.
Deming words hurt, they sting the very inner soul of my being and they can rip apart a my self worth in an instant. Specially when coming from the ones I'm close too, which is very few. I am not easily phased my others but those whom I am dependent, with myself having a mental disorder, I trust these people close to me to be honest.
My instinct is to retreat and disappear, diminish so I can no longer be hurt. I want to shut down yet fight back and defend myself, but the pain is so strong I signal for a defeat and shy away. Sometimes for a day or two and pray for a life time.
It's all in the moment, now I struggle with where I fit in and my place. Do I really even have one at all?
My validate effort to accomplish is stomped on and I am degraded for the person I am. Confused inside my mind is whirling with in and racing thoughts don't stop long enough for me to grasp if I care or not...
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