Incorporating new ideas into my already crammed thoughts seemed just ludicrous at first and I think it has taken me reading, listening, learning and also experiencing change over and over to clearly see and accept what this meant.
In order to begin change I need to be mindful of all things, my perception and thoughts affect my reality. I am having to redirect my attention several times a day back to being mindful. When I am mindful I manage myself.
Now having Bipolar I and doing this to me is very rewarding and discouraging at the same time. I see the differences between the two in that I had a choice to drink but I didn't chose Bipolar I. I now am at an acceptance that I was given Bipolar and it's my will to manage those choices god gives me. I'm learning to take deeper breaths, pray, ask for guidance and feel that peace.
Sitting still, relaxing and letting this feeling I get come over me is one of the hardest struggles. I'm usually all over the place and when I go force myself because I'm not accomplishing anything or being reasonable in my thoughts, I feel so guilty from stopping, I feel like I should be going and going but nothing ever gets accomplished. I know why, and again I need to be mindful of this and refocus myself.
I may have to remake a make different choices and change my mind, the more I practice mindfulness I believe god will provide, and I will only grown and learn from his guidance. I trust in his plan for me, and yes I defy and let fear guide me, it's getting back on course no matter what, accepting the lesson.
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